"Enjoy your vacation in beautiful Baghdad!"

The most painful part of my trip is tomorrow. The getting on and getting off of many airplanes, the lines, the crowds. Ah yes, the joys of travel.

I start my trip with a flight to Dallas, which isn't too bad, except when I get there I have to sit around for four hours. That's not really enough time to do anything productive, but just enough time to drive you crazy. Then I get on a flight to Chicago. No time to sit around here. I have just 40 minutes to go from a domestic to an international flight. That should be quite a monkey. What was I thinking, right? Not much apparently.

The fun only continues when I get to England. They don't exactly give you a warm welcome at the airport, do they? They shuttle you through tunnels to a location where you stand in line with all your luggage piled around you, half-dazed, your feet swollen. Then they ask you questions no one should be asked when they're recovering from the lack of sleep and the bad airplane movie. I can barely fit together a coherent sentence when I first wake up, much less tell you how long I'm going to be in the country, and whether I'm there for business or pleasure.

If a country was struggling with tourism, they should definitely start with the airport. Set up some chairs, offer water and a smile. Maybe a few cocktails. I'm convinced even downtown Baghdad would seem like a lovely, quaint town if they set you up with a margarita right off the plane.